The Problem With Only Dating Your “Type”
As a Matchmaker people come to me with a list of criteria they are looking for in another person. Height, Race, Career, Education Level, Geographical Location, Physique, and the list goes on. You honestly wouldn’t even want to know the lists of “criteria” I have gotten from people.
I was watching a video with Dr. Henry Cloud this past week and he went in more detail about our “types” and why it is so important to go outside of our type as most of the time types are build out of psychopathology. He goes on to say that “people often construct the type of person they are gonna fall in love with (yet they don’t even know that person). It is a fantasy to make up for unresolved issues inside of you.”
I would encourage you to be open to different “types” of people and not be in the mindset of this is my future spouse, but instead look for a meaningful social interaction with another human being . When you do this and get to know another person things start to shift- your type starts to develop differently. You learn more about yourself, more about other humans, more about connection.
This helps you reconstruct your type. With limited experience there is limited capacity to understand what you are looking for, and even if you do have dating experience you may have only dated a “specific type” before and that is still limited experience.
We often have a “type” in our head that is constructed through family values, culture, media or our environment, and I can honestly say 90% of people I have set up and gone on to have successful relationships have said this is not what I thought would be the “type” of person I thought I would be with.
Change your mentality of dating. The more you date the more you grow as a person, and you get to know yourself. This starts to evolve your type.
We don’t ever go live in the first apartment we look at or buy the first car we see. We observe, we make calculated decisions, we pin point what we like/don’t like.
Start taking this approach to dating and you will not only meet some fantastic people, but ultimately you will end up more whole in the long run when you do find that person because you won’t be dating an idea, but a person.
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